leaving 2011

this year is the worst year for me. a year full of tears and unhappiness.
full of mistakes and regrets. full of emptiness and miseries.

i broke up with my boy. one of the most painful things ever happened to me. i really thought that we'll be together forever. too bad i was wrong (i forgot the fact that nothing lasts forever). he's no longer mine. but im ok with it, maybe we're not meant for each other. i just had to live half alive throughout the year, as my other half is still in him..

without having enough time to heal my wounds, i had to leave all the people i love to continue my studies in France (another hurtful thing to do). others might think, getting the opportunity to go overseas is a really good thing.
hmm.. it is supposed to be a good thing i guess. but maybe just not for me. my life, my mind, my heart, always stays in Malaysia. so how can i live without my life, mind and heart??

I made mistakes. HUGE mistakes. plural plural plural. seriously. like sooo many. i made the wrong choices, trusted the wrong person, made stupid decisions, trusted the wrong person again, and i got hurt. again and again. many many times. stupid and idiot me.

Then i have to live on my own in France. it's not an easy task okay. i have to be matured and independent. i have to register this & that, pay house rent, phone bills, and blablabla.. (which my parents used to do it for me), shop for groceries, cook.. at the same time, i have an exhausting class timetable from 8.30 am - 6 pm. I need to manage my time, my money, my studies.. and seriously, it's not easy for me. not at all.

On my birthday, i didn't even get to blow candles. yup! no cake for me this year. not like previous years. and i consider that very tragic and frustrating. That also reminds me about how lonely i am here. my buddies, my family.. they're all in Malaysia. i have nobody here. So, tell me,, how can i stop missing my home??

maybe i just don't belong here. i have a wonderful life in my country, so why would i wanna live a sad and painful life here? haihhh.. i really wanna go home.. i know i can travel a lot here, can experience the 4 seasons climate, can make new friends.. but still,, "hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri. lebih baek negeri sendiri"

i hope 2012 will bring more happiness & joy into our life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE ;)