Monday, December 26, 2011

leaving 2011

this year is the worst year for me. a year full of tears and unhappiness.
full of mistakes and regrets. full of emptiness and miseries.

i broke up with my boy. one of the most painful things ever happened to me. i really thought that we'll be together forever. too bad i was wrong (i forgot the fact that nothing lasts forever). he's no longer mine. but im ok with it, maybe we're not meant for each other. i just had to live half alive throughout the year, as my other half is still in him..

without having enough time to heal my wounds, i had to leave all the people i love to continue my studies in France (another hurtful thing to do). others might think, getting the opportunity to go overseas is a really good thing.
hmm.. it is supposed to be a good thing i guess. but maybe just not for me. my life, my mind, my heart, always stays in Malaysia. so how can i live without my life, mind and heart??

I made mistakes. HUGE mistakes. plural plural plural. seriously. like sooo many. i made the wrong choices, trusted the wrong person, made stupid decisions, trusted the wrong person again, and i got hurt. again and again. many many times. stupid and idiot me.

Then i have to live on my own in France. it's not an easy task okay. i have to be matured and independent. i have to register this & that, pay house rent, phone bills, and blablabla.. (which my parents used to do it for me), shop for groceries, cook.. at the same time, i have an exhausting class timetable from 8.30 am - 6 pm. I need to manage my time, my money, my studies.. and seriously, it's not easy for me. not at all.

On my birthday, i didn't even get to blow candles. yup! no cake for me this year. not like previous years. and i consider that very tragic and frustrating. That also reminds me about how lonely i am here. my buddies, my family.. they're all in Malaysia. i have nobody here. So, tell me,, how can i stop missing my home??

maybe i just don't belong here. i have a wonderful life in my country, so why would i wanna live a sad and painful life here? haihhh.. i really wanna go home.. i know i can travel a lot here, can experience the 4 seasons climate, can make new friends.. but still,, "hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri. lebih baek negeri sendiri"

i hope 2012 will bring more happiness & joy into our life.


Thursday, December 15, 2011

the past

forget her name, forget her face.
forget her kiss, her warm embrace.

forget the love that u once knew,
remember she has someone new.

forget her when they played your song,
remember when u cried all night long.

forget how u memorized her walk,
forget the way she used to talk.

forget the things she used to say,
remember she has gone away.

forget her laugh, forget her grin,
forget the dimples on her chin.

forget the way she held u tight,
remember she's with him tonight.

forget the time that went so fast,
forget the love that moved, it's past.

forget she said she'd leave u never,
remember now that she's gone forever.