Monday, December 26, 2011

leaving 2011

this year is the worst year for me. a year full of tears and unhappiness.
full of mistakes and regrets. full of emptiness and miseries.

i broke up with my boy. one of the most painful things ever happened to me. i really thought that we'll be together forever. too bad i was wrong (i forgot the fact that nothing lasts forever). he's no longer mine. but im ok with it, maybe we're not meant for each other. i just had to live half alive throughout the year, as my other half is still in him..

without having enough time to heal my wounds, i had to leave all the people i love to continue my studies in France (another hurtful thing to do). others might think, getting the opportunity to go overseas is a really good thing.
hmm.. it is supposed to be a good thing i guess. but maybe just not for me. my life, my mind, my heart, always stays in Malaysia. so how can i live without my life, mind and heart??

I made mistakes. HUGE mistakes. plural plural plural. seriously. like sooo many. i made the wrong choices, trusted the wrong person, made stupid decisions, trusted the wrong person again, and i got hurt. again and again. many many times. stupid and idiot me.

Then i have to live on my own in France. it's not an easy task okay. i have to be matured and independent. i have to register this & that, pay house rent, phone bills, and blablabla.. (which my parents used to do it for me), shop for groceries, cook.. at the same time, i have an exhausting class timetable from 8.30 am - 6 pm. I need to manage my time, my money, my studies.. and seriously, it's not easy for me. not at all.

On my birthday, i didn't even get to blow candles. yup! no cake for me this year. not like previous years. and i consider that very tragic and frustrating. That also reminds me about how lonely i am here. my buddies, my family.. they're all in Malaysia. i have nobody here. So, tell me,, how can i stop missing my home??

maybe i just don't belong here. i have a wonderful life in my country, so why would i wanna live a sad and painful life here? haihhh.. i really wanna go home.. i know i can travel a lot here, can experience the 4 seasons climate, can make new friends.. but still,, "hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri. lebih baek negeri sendiri"

i hope 2012 will bring more happiness & joy into our life.



marziah said...

don't worry dear..everything will be fine..just wait..time will heal everything..just be good and take care of urself there!!

apple damein said...

stronger mia in 2012 okay? :)

miasara said...

thanks for ur concern KAK MAR.
u too take care aryte :)

miasara said...

insyaAllah,, thanks AZIZ :)

Syafiqah Takiyudin said...

Mia, be strong okay. Allah knows what's best for you. Kau boleh. Take care Mia. :-)

miasara said...

thanks eqa :' )
take care too kay!

fatima ainmardiah salami said...

my dear miasara,

"So be patient with gracious patience." Surat Al-Ma`ārij (70:5)

Indeed, Allah knows and just want to remind that you are strong to live by YOUR OWN there. And HE always there for you while others.

Going thru out challenges make your inner soul tough.Believe in great belief, that Allah is always there for you my dear

miasara said...

tima.. time kaseh..
seriously.. thank you for ur reminder..
thanks =' )

muzakkir said...

semoga tabah hadapi kehidupan di sana..insyaallah

miasara said...

thanks akir :)